Forgive and Forget
by tinkerbell056
Summary: When Sydney Bristow wakes up to find that two years of her memory are missing, she struggles to cope with her forgoten past and the fact that the man she loves has moved on with another woman. Please R
1. Memories

**Memories**

* * *

Looking up from her desk, she watched with her piercing brown eyes as Michael Vaughn hurried across the room, eyes fixed on the document her was holding. 

"Look up Vaughn," Sydney chanted in her head, as if he would telepathically hear her begging.

It had been months since Sydney Bristow had returned to the CIA after having being presumed dead for nearly two years. For her, she had been with the man she loved, Michael Vaughn and was working as an agent for her country, one day and woken in Hong Kong the next. There had been no two years missing in her mind, only in the lives of the people she loved. What had happened during the two years that were missing remains a complete mystery to the CIA and to Sydney herself, who remembers nothing of the time? For the people in her life who had believed her to be dead, who had scattered her ashes at sea, Sydney had been dead. A mere memory. In that time, Michael Vaughn had moved on. Sought comfort from another woman, Lauren Reed. A woman Sydney disliked for her perfect pout, annoying accent, but most of all, because she had Sydney's prize. 

Sydney stood from her armchair and began to stride quickly after Vaughn. All she wanted was to talk to him. To feel like everything in her life was normal again, that their relationship wasn't over, to be comforted by his boyish grin. Sydney quickened her pace, about to call Vaughn's name, when he looked up and into the eyes of his wife, Lauren.

Sydney quickly reacted, embarrassed by her foolishness and put her head down, walking past them quickly. Realising that Lauren may have been watching her approach Vaughn, Sydney knew that she couldn't immediately return to her desk. Directly in front of her was the white washed door to Marshall's office. Opening the door, Sydney hurried inside, taking note that the room was empty. 

Slumping against the door, she let out a long sigh, as if she had been holding her breath in for hours. In her moment of despair she let her guard down. The emotions that she had suppressed when she was told of her two missing years, of what had happened to her family and friends in those two years, came pouring out in a burst of tears. 

Her father had spent time as a prisoner of the USA, in solitary confinement, her mother had placed a hit on her life, Will had been put into witness protection and Vaughn had been married. To a flawless women, nonetheless. 

"What am I thinking? Vaughn is married. Happy. Moved on. I'm not a part of his life!" Her mind raced at one hundred miles an hour as she exclaimed her disbelief at her foolish actions aloud to the empty room. Her thoughts sifted through her memory involuntarily and she was taken back to the first time she and Vaughn had kissed. 

They had raced to each other, across the main office of the crumbling remains of SD-6. Embraced each other, never wanting to let go. 

This seemed only yesterday for Sydney. Making it so much harder for her to accept that she had lost the love of her life to another. Had lost the one thing that made her job and her life worth living. 

* * *


	2. Debrief

**Debrief**

Two hours later, Sydney had recomposed herself for a debrief in director Kendell's office. Approaching the room, she smoothed down her suit jacket and cleared her throat, planting a smile on her face before she entered the room, determined to look her best, not only to remind Vaughn who he was really supposed to be with, but to reassure Lauren that she wasn't broken. 

Pushing the door opened slowly she peered inside. To the left of the central desk at a much larger conference table sat Marshall, Weiss and Sydney's father Jack, talking animatedly to the pair at the table directly opposite; Vaughn and Lauren. Reluctantly realising her limited choice on where to sit for the debrief, Sydney inwardly sighed. 

Not wanting to seem disappointed, she deepened her smile, the dimples on her cheeks that Vaughn so loved revealing themselves. Sydney stood up straight and entered the room, acknowledging her father, Marshall and Weiss with extra warmth. Then, turning to the other occupants of the room, she dropped her smile slightly, greeting Lauren and the Vaughn. 

"Hey guys," she said, deciding that she would be a big girl and get the conversation started.

Lauren turned her head towards Sydney smiling as Vaughn returned the greeting, and wrapped her arms around the sturdy arm of her husband, marking her territory, like a possessive dog. 

Noticing this Sydney turned her attention to Vaughn.

"So Marshall told me that there has been a breakthrough on the Rambaldi device. Do you know what it could be?"

"No idea." Vaughn replied. "As far as I was concerned we had already collected all the information and data that we need to read the device."

"Maybe something's missing?" Sydney offered.

Vaughn gave a shrug, looking to Sydney to offer another thought, who gave none. Instead they were both left staring expectantly and uncomfortably at each other, aware that Lauren was listening to every word of their conversation. 

Sydney couldn't help but remember when staring into each others' eyes had been far from uncomfortable. It had been insightful. An expression of their affection. 

Just as Sydney was about to break the silence that had wedged itself between them, the door to the room flew open, and Director Kendell hurried in, addressing the group hurriedly. 

"Okay, now I assume that most of you already know what i need from you. The data collected by Sydney which we used to try to assemble and read the Rambaldi device is of no use to us. Somewhere along the line, wrong information was collected, possibly left in place of the real data. We have already retraced our steps and have come to the conclusion that our mission in Bosnia last month was not successful, as we first thought."

Marshall interrupted with his explanation.

"Director Kendell, I just want to quickly add that the retrieval wasn't a complete failure. Some of the data that we collected was useful. There was only section of it that were altered. This indicates that it wasn't changed manually. Anybody who went in to change the data themselves would be better off to just replace the whole file. Instead, i think that a virus was uploaded to the system that the data was downloaded from, using a high frequency remote modem..."

"So you think that someone knew we were coming for the data?" Sydney asked.

"I think that someone knew that we were coming and knew that we had the Rambaldi device, even though CIA kept that little fact top secret." Marshall replied. 

"Well, it couldn't have been a Covenant job. They need that data as much as we do." continued Sydney.

"Actually Syd, whoever uploaded the virus could have copied the files before they did so, which would guarantee that they'd have the data and we wouldn't. And I'm gonna have to stomp all over your Covenant theory too Syd. The virus that was uploaded to the files was consistent with data encryptions used previously by a known Covenant member. Julian Sark."

Again Sydney interrupted. "Sark? Sark knew that we were coming?"

This time it was Jack Bristow who spoke. "Yes. we don't know how he knew, but he did. That's why we need to infiltrate Covenant headquarters in Bosnia, of which Sark is head. If we get to his offices we get to him and everything he knows." turning his head to Kendell, Jack nodded to prompt Kendell to continue.

"Sydney, Vaughn, your next mission is to get into Sarks headquarters and copy everything he has, then return the favour and infect everything with a virus that you will upload from a remote modem that Marshall has implanted into a mobile phone. Vaughn, while Sydney goes in to do this, you will be heading surveillance on the upper levels of the offices..." Kendell paused took a breath and continued "Vaughn, the upper levels will be packed with civilians. There'll be a formal event taking place at the time. This can be both an advantage and a disadvantage. It means that surveillance will become more difficult, not knowing whose with Sark and who is there for the party. However, it will provide good cover for you guys to safely enter the premises undetected. Your plane leaves in half an hour. Good luck."

Everybody rose as Kendell left the room as he had come in, hurriedly. Sydney turned to Vaughn and watched as Lauren kissed her husband and proclaimed that she was going out to meet a friend for lunch. Wishing them both luck Lauren left, Sydney noticed, exasperated and quickly. 

Putting her suspicion to the back of her mind, Sydney addressed Vaughn. "So Bosnia. This should be fun."

"Yeah," Vaughn replied." Especially when Sark's involved.


	3. Letting go

**Letting Go**

Five hours later and not even half way through their flight, Sydney and Vaughn sat side-by-side, laughing and reminiscing. 

"How about that time...when we had to go... to that club. You know, the one... the one... with all the scary Goths." Sydney said, struggling to gasp for air, as she laughed.

Vaughn laughed harder, remembering the ridiculous amount of eyeliner Sydney had applied to his face so that they would fit in.

"Don't remind me!" Vaughn exclaimed. "It took me a week to wash that gel outta my hair!"

At this the pair laughed hysterically. Sydney with her eyes closed began rocking back and forth struggling for air. Her laughing was ceased when her head came painfully in contact with Vaughn's. In her rashness she had not realized that she was so close to Vaughn and head butted him, with such a force, that she immediately felt the onset of a migraine. 

Rubbing her head, Sydney apologized profusely. "Oh, Vaughn, I'm so sorry. You poor thing. Are you Okay?" she asked with concern in her voice.

"Oh, don't worry Syd. I inherited a hard head from my mother. Are you okay?"

Sydney smiled to reassure him and then answered, "Yeah, I'm fine, just gonna have a headache for a while, that's all."

Vaughn wasn't convinced however and reached for Sydney's hand, which was still covering the bruise slowly appearing on her forehead, obstructing his view of the damage.

"Syd, it looks really red. It must hurt alot!" Vaughn said worriedly.

But Sydney could not reply. Vaughn's hand had made it's way to her forehead and was softly stroking the developing bruise. She stared into Vaughn's eyes as his scanned her face and his hands began to trace her prominent jaw line. With his palm on her cheek, Vaughn stroked Sydney's lips with his thumb, finally letting his eyes meet hers. 

Sydney could think of nothing but her desire for Vaughn. Her desire to pull him closer and kiss him. But she knew she couldn't, she wouldn't as long as he was with Lauren. She refused to become the other woman. 

Vaughn finally broke the silence. "I miss this. Us. I miss being able to touch you. Being able to look at you longingly from across the room. This...situation, reminds me of when you first came to the CIA. Our love was forbidden because I was you handler. It was just as frustrating then as it is now."

Sydney pulled away from Vaughn, letting his hand drop from her face. "There's a difference though Vaughn. There's someone else involved now. Your wife. And as long as she is involved, there can be no us, like there was before. We should just keep things strictly professional. Any missions that we are assigned to must be carried out with strict professionalism and nothing more."

Sydney was surprised at her sudden change of tone, and from the look on his face, so was Vaughn. 

"Okay, Syd. If that's what you want, then i respect that."

"Yes," replied Sydney, "that is what I want."

At this, Vaughn averted his eyes from Sydney's and stared out of the window behind her. Opening his mouth to speak, he found that there was nothing he could say or do in such an awkward situation. 

He wanted to protest, to at least add in a 'but.' Looking back at Sydney, he managed a meager smile, which Sydney returned uncomfortably. 

She knew that neither of them wanted their relationship to be strictly professional, but if she wanted to be with Vaughn, it would have to be legitimate. Not secretive, and in no circumstance was she going to let Vaughn hurt Lauren. Even though she despised the woman, she would never wish that kind of pain upon anyone. She knew from experience that losing the love of your life was like losing a piece of your soul that could never be replaced. 

----------------------------------------------------------------

Ten hours later and severely jet-lagged, Sydney and Vaughn checked into their Hotel, just around the corner from Sark's headquarters, and the sight of a major million dollar car show, being held by Sark that very evening.

Sydney had been able to find out from a source in Bosnia, that Sark was using the event to mask his true agenda. The countries most rich and famous figures would be there this evening, supposedly to be another fast car. Their true reason for attending however was to be given a private tour of Sark's labs and no doubt, his impressive Ramabldi collection. By impressing the millionaire's he would convince them to invest in his cause, no doubt. And then run off with their money. That was the thing with Sark; he was unloyal, as he'd proved on a countless number of occasions. 

The hotel that Sydney and Vaughn had chosen was one of the best and most expensive in this region of Bosnia. Thankfully the CIA was paying for the stay. 

After collecting the electronic key to their rooms, Sydney and Vaughn made their way to the seventh floor. 

They walked in silence along the corridor to their rooms, which were next door to each other. Since Sydney's final statement on their relationship, Vaughn had not spoken unless it was absolutely necessary. Thinking that Vaughn was holding a grudge, Sydney did the same.

But that was not Vaughn was not speaking to Sydney. It was just that he didn't know what to say to her. If he opened his mouth, he wouldn't be sure about what was 'professional' and was was not. Realising he didn't know how to just be professional, Vaughn decided it was best to not say much at all. 


End file.
